Have You Ever Wondered if YOU Have ADHD? Exploring the 7 Types of ADD/ADHD.

Tony gives an update on his personal journey with Attention Deficit Disorder. Tony discusses the 7 types of ADD from Daniel Amen’s book “Healing ADD – The Breakthrough Program That Allows You to See and Heal the 7 Types of ADD” https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B00C1N97EO&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_KQP1DC7XQZTKX27P4HQ3&tag=tonyoverbay-20

With the continuing “sheltering” rules spreading across the country, PLEASE do not think you can’t continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference often as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch, you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight.

You can learn more about Tony’s pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the “uh’s” and “um’s” that, in his words, “must be created by wizards and magic!” because it’s that good! To learn more about Descript, click here¬†https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ


VC have ADHD-2022-03-03.mp3

[00:00:15] Come on in, take a seat.

[00:00:22] Hey, everybody, welcome to episode three hundred and ten of the virtual couch.

[00:00:25] I’m your host, Tony Overbay. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified, mindful habit coach, writer, speaker, husband, father of four, ultramarathon runner and creator of the Path Back, an online pornography recovery program

[00:00:35] That is helping people

[00:00:37] Reclaim their lives from turning to pornography

[00:00:39] As a coping mechanism. So if you’re interested in that? Take a look at

[00:00:43] Pathbackrecovery.com, or

[00:00:45] You can send me a message through my website. We have an amazing online group

[00:00:49] That meets every week where we talk

[00:00:51] About all things, not even just about pornography. But if you have listened to some of the things I’ve

[00:00:56] Talked about with regard to turning to any

[00:00:59] Unhealthy coping mechanism, I feel like there’s these big five voids that are going on in somebody’s lives. Usually they don’t feel

[00:01:04] Connected with their marriage, their parenting, their health, their faith, their career. And whenever we don’t feel a connection in those areas, I believe that we turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, whether it’s pornography or food or your phone or work or TV or all those sorts of things.

[00:01:20] And absolutely, in this day and age, here comes my old man coming out. But there are so many

[00:01:25] Things to be distracted with that it is really easy to turn to unhealthy

[00:01:29] Coping mechanisms.

[00:01:30] And then, of course, we’re going to do whatever it is, the stuff that we’re supposed to do, we’re going to do it tomorrow.

[00:01:34] And if you if it’s midway through the day and you haven’t accomplished all the things that you want to, I find that as so often that siren song of, well, I’ll do it tomorrow. And if you hit mid-week Wednesday, maybe Thursday, well, I’m going to do this start on Monday. And if you hit the 16th of the month, well, I’m going to start next month. That’s what I’m going to be a new person. And if some,

[00:01:52] If it creeps up around June, July, then you know what? I’m going to start you going to start being a better me next year.

[00:01:58] So if you find yourself doing those sort of things,

[00:02:00] Then it might be worth taking a look at. Are you are you living the life

[00:02:03] That you want to live? Are you feeling connected

[00:02:05] In those areas? Again, it’s your marriage, your parenting, your career, your health, your faith.

[00:02:10] And if not, I would highly recommend trying to find a way to to see what really matters to you in those areas. So I have completely

[00:02:19] Devolved from a let me talk

[00:02:20] About the path back and passing to now wanting to just have a real solid talk. You and me listening in your earbuds and just say that if you really are just living your best life, then isn’t isn’t now the time. Go, go get a little bit of help. Actually, that is perfect segue way into a Betterhelp.com app, which I absolutely was not planning on doing. But if you are feeling like you’re not connected in those areas of your life, then maybe it is time to go talk to somebody and you can do that, whether you can find somebody. Go look at psychology, today.com

[00:02:49] And find a therapist in your area. Or you can go to Betterhelp.com virtual couch and get 10 percent off your first month’s

[00:02:54] Treatment and they have sliding

[00:02:56] Scale. They have a pretty amazing assessment form. You can do online counseling and therapy, and

[00:03:01] You will be matched up with a licensed

[00:03:03] Marriage and family therapist or a licensed

[00:03:05] Professional clinical counselor or someone that really does have the training, the skills, the knowledge

[00:03:09] To help you work

[00:03:10] Through any and all of your issues. So again,

[00:03:12] You can go to Betterhelp.com virtual

[00:03:13] Couch. There we go. Business completely done. So one of the main questions that I do get often when I make jokes about my own ad, people will say, Do you really have ad? And long ago

[00:03:26] When I realize now this is one hundred and fifty episodes ago or more, I did a two part series actually ended up doing a third part of it later, but a two part series will say a three part series on

[00:03:37] My own

[00:03:38] Journey of discovering my ad or my

[00:03:40] Adhd inattentive type so you

[00:03:43] Can go back in the archives to find that. But I realize that’s a hassle. And there are so many more people now that are listening to the podcast that weren’t listening before, so I

[00:03:52] Thought it would be a good idea to do a little bit of an

[00:03:54] Add or ADHD reminder or a primer, or just to get

[00:03:59] The topic back into conversation.

[00:04:01] And today I’m going refer to one book and one article. The book is a pretty amazing one. It is

[00:04:05] So big and thick that as someone with AD, you just look at it and you think, Man, I don’t,

[00:04:11] I want to read that. That gives me a little

[00:04:12] Dopamine rush just to see

[00:04:14] That there’s a whole book with a lot of words

[00:04:16] That talk about AD, and it’s even called Healing Aid, and it is by Daniel Amen. And I love talking about

[00:04:22] The Amen clinic. They do brain scans. I’ve had many

[00:04:24] Clients go to

[00:04:25] The AM and clinic for brain scans, and I’ve got to be part of some treatment teams and understand more about the brain than I ever thought I would know. But Daniel Amen wrote a very good book called Healing A.D.D., the breakthrough program that allows you to

[00:04:38] See and heal. He says the seven types of attention deficit disorder. So I thought I would go through a little bit of that. There’s an introduction

[00:04:45] That I think is pretty fascinating that will give us an overview, and I’m going to jump over to an article that I did refer to back

[00:04:50] In the day when I did the episodes on my own

[00:04:53] Adhd journey. It’s from Help Guide Dog, and it is a pretty comprehensive

[00:04:59] View of understanding

[00:05:00] Adhd or add in adults. Let me

[00:05:02] Start with Daniel Aman’s book Healing Aid

[00:05:05] And the reason why this is a really easy one to go

[00:05:08] Through just to give you an idea of what aid looks like is at the very beginning. And again, this

[00:05:14] Is a very. Thick book, but I love where he has after the title page, the copyright, the dedication. He has a brief chapter called Healing Start, a report for those who don’t read directions, and I thought this was one of the most brilliant things because right here, he says, the healing added. Start a report. So I’m going to I’m going to, in essence, read and will

[00:05:31] Comment on this a little bit. But he says for those who don’t read directions, that would be me. He said if you have attention deficit disorder, ADHD, also known as

[00:05:40] Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or ADHD,

[00:05:43] He said, I know

[00:05:43] You’re not likely to read this entire book. As a matter of fact, I had a hard time getting through this Stata report because I was so excited just to skim

[00:05:50] Through it and see what the end of the chapter said.

[00:05:52] But he said, I’ve been working with people who have added for over 30 years, he said.

[00:05:55] You have many strengths, but a long attention span is usually not one of them. So, Donna, the fact that many people with

[00:06:02] Adhd have a short attention span get distracted easily and have poor follow through. I developed a starter report to help you quickly get on your way to healing. And he says in the rest of the book, you’ll find the logic and the research behind these strategies, along with many other life enhancing strategies and stories. And one of the reasons that I

[00:06:19] Love being able to talk about this subject in general is

[00:06:22] That line right there where he said, you have many strengths because it is important to know

[00:06:27] That you are not choosing or deciding. You know what? I think I’m going to go with, and I think that’s going to be the thing I’m going to choose. Just like we don’t choose the anxiety

[00:06:36] Or we don’t choose the depression, or we start to notice that these things are there, that they become present or prevalent. And one of the most important things

[00:06:43] You can do is to be able to step back and just look at yourself in the context of the

[00:06:46] Different things that you’re going through in your

[00:06:48] Life and say, Check that out. That’s when my ADHD shows up, or that’s when my ad shows up. When you can look at yourself, even with curiosity, with fascination, then it really does take that shame out of it. I could easily say to myself, Man,

[00:07:02] You are a horrible person riddled with

[00:07:04] Add and ADHD. You could have been so much more.

[00:07:06] But what on earth is

[00:07:08] That going to accomplish? So right away, let’s do a little bit of a self check on. Do you beat yourself up or do you look at something

[00:07:15] Like anxiety or depression,

[00:07:17] Even if it’s an addictive behavior

[00:07:19] Or

[00:07:19] Something like? Can you

[00:07:21] Give yourself grace and know that the beating yourself up or feeling like what’s wrong with me

[00:07:25] Has not worked? It doesn’t work with anyone. I’m very confident about that, and I am not a big all or nothing statement guy. But when you can look at that as a wow, check that out, this

[00:07:34] Is how my brain works,

[00:07:36] Then we can accept that

[00:07:37] And now we can start to work with the

[00:07:39] Tools that you have. I get asked very often my views or thoughts on a diagnosis. Do I feel like it’s important to diagnose something to have a label on something? And my answer to that is I. If it helps you, then let’s go with it. If it doesn’t,

[00:07:52] Then all right. That will meet you where you’re at. What I mean

[00:07:55] By that is when I understood my own ad diagnosis.

[00:07:59] For me, it was liberating.

[00:08:00] It really was.

[00:08:01] And here’s where part of that whole concept of you are the only version of you that’s ever walked the face of the Earth. So if someone else is threatened by your accepting of your diagnosis, then bless their heart

[00:08:10] Because I have literally and I’m thinking of one situation in particular

[00:08:15] Where I spoke to a very large group of 18 to 30 year olds

[00:08:18] And talked about understanding my own

[00:08:20] Mental health journey as a mental health practitioner and how it took several years into being a therapist to really understand,

[00:08:26] Oh, wait a minute, that’s what it is. I have add and I went and got the diagnosis and I became medicated and it changed my life.

[00:08:33] Now, am I saying that everyone must go get medication?

[00:08:36] No. Do you want to seek out medication? Are you interested in taking a look at that then? Yes, by all means, go look at that.

[00:08:43] But I remember after I gave this talk and and I really

[00:08:46] I love speaking in public so much when I can talk about these things that I’m passionate about and I did, I felt a connection with the audience we talked about not

[00:08:53] Running away from mental health challenges or struggles. And this was years ago

[00:08:57] When mental health was still being, I feel like, stigmatized almost on a daily basis and someone walked by me and he said, I wish I could just take a pill and change my life. And I thought in the past that really would have stung. For some reason I stopped and I just said to the person, Hey, you can, I can give you the name of my psychiatrist. If that would help. He half laughed, and I think it was a little bit uncomfortable and then just walked on. But I’ve thought

[00:09:19] About that before, where I know that is part of why people aren’t as open about exploring their own mental health challenges or potentially even

[00:09:26] Diagnoses because of

[00:09:27] That shame or that guilt

[00:09:29] That they will feel when others

[00:09:31] Who are feeling less than have to lash out and try to make someone else

[00:09:35] Feel worse to make themselves feel better in that scenario. I’m assuming that he felt

[00:09:40] Insecure about his own, perhaps mental health struggles or challenges that maybe he has

[00:09:45] Never dealt with.

[00:09:46] And so by being able to project that onto me, that made him feel better for that. Bless his heart.

[00:09:50] But it wasn’t going to affect my own mental health

[00:09:53] Journey that I had been questioning or struggling with for quite a while. So ADHD or ADHD

[00:09:59] Is something that affects a lot of people, but yet something that when it is left untreated and this was one of the things that really resonated with me can look

[00:10:08] Like depression.

[00:10:09] And at that point in my life, I was really enjoying

[00:10:13] Or starting to enjoy my career. But also, in

[00:10:15] The meantime, I think I had bought my podcast equipment and

[00:10:18] Had hung on to it for a couple of years. My Path Back program had been filmed and I did nothing with it for a year. I hadn’t finished my website and I had an opportunity to write a book that I wasn’t following through on.

[00:10:27] And those things all led to this feeling of what’s wrong with me. And and I started to really think, OK, I feel like this may be depression.

[00:10:35] I was also working with a tremendous amount as a male therapist

[00:10:38] And my podcast. Again, I had not put that out there yet. I still spoke at a lot of places, and because of that visibility, I was beginning

[00:10:45] To get more and more clients that just for the sake of sharing the story, they were business owners. They were entrepreneurs. They were people that had a lot

[00:10:52] Going on in their lives, especially men, because at

[00:10:55] That time there weren’t a lot of male therapists.

[00:10:57] I’m helping these men and

[00:10:59] More and more. I’m starting to recognize this entrepreneurial type or this. Just people that were full of energy were coming to therapy, though, because they were starting to feel like what’s wrong with them or they were starting to feel like they weren’t being able to finish or complete tasks. And so I started learning more and more about and learning more about ADHD. I remember one time in particular, working with a person who owned a fairly large company, but was really struggling internally with the concepts of imposter syndrome, never feeling like

[00:11:25] He was quite enough and feeling like if people just found out about him that

[00:11:29] He would lose everything, we were able to bring in pretty popular

[00:11:33] Adhd coach who would do some sessions with us, and I learned so much about ADHD and it was giving my client hope and I was thinking, Wait, no, this is

[00:11:43] Me. And it was hard to not jump in and ask questions for myself

[00:11:47] To this ADHD coach. That was what

[00:11:49] Caused me to start looking more and more into

[00:11:52] The symptoms and seeing that a lot of those things matched up. So that was a

[00:11:56] Huge watershed moment for myself. And let me just tell you that if you have ever wondered if you have ever worried about your own, if it’s anxiety or depression or ADHD, the worry itself can just start to linger. There’s a strong

[00:12:09] Sense of healing and just starting to do something just

[00:12:11] To take action on your own mental health.

[00:12:13] Just schedule an appointment with the therapist, schedule an appointment with an

[00:12:16] Intake coordinator with my particular insurance. I had to have an initial assessment done by a therapist and then

[00:12:22] Lead me to

[00:12:23] A battery of psychological

[00:12:24] Tests, which then took a few weeks to get to and take, which then led to a

[00:12:28] Couple of more weeks before I was able

[00:12:30] To sit down with a group of people and talk about medication options with a psychiatrist, which then led to an individual appointment with a psychiatrist. And so it can be quite a journey, so I would just highly recommend just start down that path. You can always say, no, you can always not go to an appointment but get the appointment set up, start the ball rolling because that can often

[00:12:50] Raise your emotional baseline just to know that you’re doing something about your own mental health.

[00:12:55] So back

[00:12:55] To the healing and starter report, that was a little bit of a tangent that I wanted to go on where it just

[00:13:01] Daniel Layman talks about that.

[00:13:03] We may have a short attention span, get distracted easily and have poor follow through. There’s a motivational talk, if I’ve ever heard one,

[00:13:09] But he’s just saying that. But you have so many strengths, and so being able to accept these things does not

[00:13:14] Mean that then you are doomed for the rest of your life to suffer from your short attention span or your distraction or poor follow through.

[00:13:22] Because I always, always now say that acceptance does not mean apathy. Once we accept the fact that we have these challenges or struggles, then that means that we

[00:13:30] Can now work through

[00:13:31] Them. And I will often find, and I’m going to sound a little bit

[00:13:34] Negative here for a second,

[00:13:35] But I will find that sometimes people

[00:13:37] Are sitting in front of me and they say, But what are you

[00:13:39] Going to do? It’s my A.D.D. and I

[00:13:42] Do have that to counter transference where my own I almost transfer my own experience onto

[00:13:46] The client because in that moment I want to say, Man, I know I felt that way as well. And oftentimes I’m going to make sure that we are

[00:13:52] Going to get to that point where

[00:13:54] I having that as the excuse is not a helpful concept.

[00:13:59] But having awareness of the challenges that you’re struggling with or facing

[00:14:04] Is a way

[00:14:05] To now bring that awareness into the forefront of your mind so

[00:14:09] You can see how these things affect you. I could see how my own ad affected me and still affects me on a daily basis so that when I find myself getting down or when I find myself not accomplishing things, or if I find myself beating myself up and I can notice those moments and then recognize that is is some added characteristics.

[00:14:25] And then once I bring that awareness now, I use the tools that I’ve been practicing for a long time now.

[00:14:30] So Daniel Layman said that he

[00:14:32] He has this starter report to help quickly get your way on

[00:14:35] Healing aid.

[00:14:36] And then throughout the book, he has more in-depth research and data around the things that he provides here. So this is the first step is discover if you or a loved one really

[00:14:46] Has added, he said. Aid is called a developmental disorder

[00:14:49] Because people have it early in

[00:14:50] Life, and it’s not something that shows up in middle age, and I really thought that was interesting. In the assessment, I was asked if I had

[00:14:57] Been diagnosed early

[00:14:58] In my youth and I said no, and I felt like I almost was kicked out of the assessment office. Kind of being

[00:15:04] A little dramatic. There are, I’m joking,

[00:15:06] But I did feel like the fact

[00:15:08] That I had never gone in and had a

[00:15:09] Diagnosis, and I’m fifty two years old. This was back in the eighties

[00:15:12] Where I don’t remember hearing much about. Add or ADHD

[00:15:15] In general, other than maybe

[00:15:17] It was the kids that were on a leash at the mall. And so I never had that experience, although I sure did run away from a time or two or hide in the coat racks or that sort of thing.

[00:15:27] Dr. Ayman says if you have ADHD symptoms but never had them as a child, it’s likely due to something else

[00:15:31] Such as depression, chronic stress, hormonal changes, a head injury or some form of toxic exposure.

[00:15:37] So I do remember in that initial assessment that a lot of the symptoms

[00:15:42] That were I was being assessed for were things that I was very aware of that I had struggled with. And I was so grateful for the therapist who did my own assessment because she brought some awareness to the fact that there were some of the things that I had most likely developed healthier coping mechanisms for these these symptoms.

[00:16:01] So if I found myself, if she was asking

[00:16:04] Me if I had struggled with grades in school or that sort of thing, I remember that one stuck out to me because I had struggled in school. But I also was very personable and I felt like I learned to charm my way. I think the term back in the 80s and 90s, I don’t know if it’s still around was a brown noser, but

[00:16:19] I would be able to to. I felt like I was able to

[00:16:22] Get good grades. I felt like I was able to cram for in studying at the very last

[00:16:27] Minute and then retain enough information to then pass tests, but absolutely have no retention and not knowing that in reality, people retain

[00:16:36] A lot of the things that they read because they read them, they study them. They don’t necessarily get easily distracted on everything that they try to read or study. I remember when I was in the computer industry going to a trade show in Boston, Macworld, Boston.

[00:16:48] This would have been back in

[00:16:48] The early nineties, mid 90s. And I remember going there and going to some one of those stores. I want to say like a brick stone or something where they had massage chairs and scalp massages and I guess

[00:17:00] All things massage.

[00:17:01] And I’m immediately running over to those things. And I was there with a handful of computer engineers because I was working for a software company

[00:17:09] And they immediately went over to the puzzles, the fixing cubes or these metal rods that how could you untangle them? And I just remember looking at that thinking I felt like the the little kid that

[00:17:19] Wanted to go over and jump on the bed while these guys were figuring out complex algebraic equations for fun, which I had never even thought about before. And I remember having another conversation with one of the engineers. I remember this so well, and we were talking about sports and I love sports, and I was so, such a sports junkie at the time. But we were talking about some Super Bowl that had happened maybe a decade earlier. And the engineer said, Do you remember who was in this particular Super Bowl?

[00:17:45] And I said, Oh no. And he said, Oh, it was

[00:17:46] The I forget the two teams. I definitely forgot by now. And I said, Oh, how do you remember that? And he said, Well, I read it, and I will never forget

[00:17:55] Thinking,

[00:17:56] Ok, I read things a lot, but

[00:17:57] I don’t remember them, and I’m not saying that I had to have

[00:17:59] Some photographic memory, but I just remember being so much more aware of the fact that people that read and retain versus people that

[00:18:06] Just just, you know, binge

[00:18:08] On something or just procrastinate. Until then, their dopamine just kicks in on high alert

[00:18:13] And then they can finish something. It’s under the strain of a deadline and

[00:18:18] Not again retaining information, but having enough of it to pass a test or to get through a conversation, but not really internalizing it.

[00:18:25] Daniel Ammann, then, is saying that if you have these add symptoms but never had them as a child, then it’s likely to be the cause, possibly

[00:18:35] Because of depression, stress, hormonal changes. So again, what he’s saying there is that

[00:18:40] If you I believe that I had most of these symptoms as a child, but

[00:18:44] Then I just learned to cope with

[00:18:45] Them or to deal with them. But if you were this non

[00:18:49] Add or ADHD kid and then you’re hitting your thirties or forties, and all of a sudden you have this, you can’t remember anything, you can’t stay present or

[00:18:56] Focused. Then a lot of

[00:18:57] Times those things are maybe more situational or they might be depression or chronic stress. I feel like

[00:19:02] That’s a huge one because I also have found, and I don’t believe I talked about this long ago, that a lot of the ADHD symptoms also can seem to mimic some symptoms of anxiety as well. And as a matter of fact, I don’t I’m not going to go into

[00:19:14] Much more detail

[00:19:15] Of this today, but might be a fun follow up episode. But I’ve had people in my office

[00:19:20] Before where we’ve been looking at add or ADHD.

[00:19:23] And then when you step back and it’s

[00:19:25] Almost that part where if you

[00:19:27] Now just say just think of the concept of anxiety and now look at those same

[00:19:31] Symptoms that they more resonate

[00:19:33] With anxiety. This is an example of

[00:19:36] When you are aware of something, it’s almost the confirmation

[00:19:38] Bias. There is a new coke out right now that is called, I

[00:19:42] Want to say, starlight or spaceship or cosmic

[00:19:44] Space. And I should have looked it up before, but I wasn’t thinking about talking about this today. But I will just say this

[00:19:51] If you have tried it and we were down in Arizona visiting my daughter and with one of my other daughters and my wife, and we bought a Coke Zero and it was in this cosmic space, whatever the flavor is.

[00:20:01] And so we wanted to know what is space tastes like.

[00:20:03] So we try it. We’re having a hard time wrapping our heads around. The flavors were given all kinds of different flavors and descriptions,

[00:20:09] And if you do not

[00:20:10] Want this ruined for you, then

[00:20:12] Please skip ahead of. Or 30 seconds, but then we quickly googled it and and someone had written that just think of a

[00:20:20] S’more in your head and then

[00:20:22] Drink it. And I posted this on somebody’s Facebook page as a comment as well, and they joked about it, My wizard with this talent, this ability. But if you think of that concept and then drink it, you will.

[00:20:34] That is the flavor that you will taste the entire time. So I feel like it’s a similar thing where people are looking through the lens of add or ADHD.

[00:20:41] And then if you just say, Hey, take a look at this from as anxiety. And then it becomes almost

[00:20:47] Over on my waking up the narcissism

[00:20:48] Podcast, which I absolutely just love. And boy, please,

[00:20:52] Even if you don’t care about narcissism or anything like

[00:20:55] That, go look at the episode that I did last week with my associate, Nate

[00:21:01] Christianson. If you’ve heard him, he’s been on the virtual couch four different times. But we talked about the neurology of

[00:21:06] Narcissism and it was mind blowing. It really was, Nate. It does such an amazing job of digging into the brain. And so that was phenomenal.

[00:21:13] That really was. But the reason I bring that up is about a dozen or more episodes ago over on that that podcast,

[00:21:20] I talked

[00:21:21] About narcissism versus

[00:21:23] Looking at it as emotional immaturity. And it’s that same concept. Once you have this

[00:21:28] Emotional immaturity concept in your brain, then you start to see the narcissist is more emotionally immature. And what’s pretty phenomenal about that is you start to see your own emotional immaturity in certain situations or the way

[00:21:41] That you show up. So just that concept has been pretty fascinating. So if you are looking through the lens of anxiety,

[00:21:48] Then things are going to look a little bit more like possible generalized anxiety disorder or just anxious thoughts or feelings. And if you’re looking at things through the add or ADHD lens, then you may have a little bit of confirmation bias toward those signs or symptoms. So, Dr. Raymond said there are five hallmark symptoms

[00:22:05] Of ad. He

[00:22:06] Said there’s short attention span. So he says for regular routine every day. He said people

[00:22:10] With ADHD have a difficult

[00:22:11] Time with boring tasks, and they need stimulation or excitement in order to stay

[00:22:14] Engaged. And this is

[00:22:16] The proverbial joke of when you’re talking to somebody, then all of a sudden squirrel.

[00:22:19] And it really is that way the boy talk about when I go on tangents.

[00:22:25] That is where that is coming from.

[00:22:27] Is it is this at

[00:22:28] Times my own brain must get bored with my me

[00:22:31] Talking, and so it wants to

[00:22:33] Engage or talk about something more exciting.

[00:22:36] So he said many people with ADHD can pay attention just fine for things that are new, novel, interesting,

[00:22:41] Highly stimulating or frightening.

[00:22:44] And this is a concept where people will often think, No, he doesn’t have ADHD.

[00:22:47] You can focus on certain things. And so certain things,

[00:22:51] Things that are new, novel interesting, and this is where I feel like acceptance

[00:22:55] And commitment therapy truly can cure all being

[00:22:58] A little facetious with that. But when you find things that are truly of value to you and you take action on them, then you really can

[00:23:05] Stay more engaged because they truly are interesting. And the

[00:23:08] 10 years that I was in

[00:23:09] The computer software industry, I didn’t

[00:23:11] Even know that wasn’t something that truly interested me. But now,

[00:23:15] As a therapist, I love, I love therapy. I love mental health. I love learning about emotionally focused therapy, EFT or acceptance and commitment therapy. Right now, I’m

[00:23:23] Fascinated by the concepts

[00:23:25] Of needing external validation. If you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while, I talk about everything from

[00:23:30] I became fascinated with differentiation

[00:23:32] Of becoming your own autonomous self. And right now I’m starting to look at Carl Jung’s shadow work, and there’s going to be a lot more that we’re going to talk about there.

[00:23:40] Just because this situation with my my daughter’s injury, which I talked about a couple of episodes ago, has had me really

[00:23:46] Looking inward at myself, and I feel like I finally understand a little bit more about

[00:23:50] This Jungian view of the

[00:23:51] Shadow and what are we trying to protect or who are we pretending that

[00:23:54] We

[00:23:54] Truly are in trying to protect these parts of our inner psyche that we’re afraid of?

[00:24:00] I love that stuff, so it is

[00:24:02] Easier to stay

[00:24:02] Engaged because I really enjoy those things. So that is the short attention span is one of these five hallmark symptoms of added. Dr. Ayman also says distractibility. He said people with AD tend

[00:24:13] To notice more in their environment than others,

[00:24:15] Which makes them easily distracted by outside stimuli such as light sounds,

[00:24:19] Smells, certain tastes or even the clothes they wear. Their keen

[00:24:22] Sensitivity causes them to get easily off task, and this is

[00:24:26] One that I often forget. And if you’ve heard the episodes

[00:24:29] That I’ve done on

[00:24:30] Hsp or highly sensitive person, also known as sensory processing

[00:24:33] Sensitivity, there’s

[00:24:35] A component there of the highly sensitive person that

[00:24:38] Is also

[00:24:38] Thinks more deeply or they’re more their own keen

[00:24:42] Sensitivity is much a part of them. And so it’s what I think is interesting is A.D.D. can make us distracted by the outside stimuli, light sounds,

[00:24:52] Smells, certain tastes, and I feel like sensory processing sensitivity, or

[00:24:55] Hsp, can cause someone to just feel

[00:24:58] More. Be more aware of the outside stimuli such as light sounds, smells, certain tastes,

[00:25:03] But just that those things have

[00:25:04] Just a greater impact

[00:25:06] On someone’s emotional well-being,

[00:25:07] Where with distractibility or

[00:25:09] Adhd, then those things can cause someone with. Adhd to then become distracted and then not be able

[00:25:17] To stay present and where with the highly sensitive person, it’s almost like they are too present because then they’re going to feel these

[00:25:23] Things almost to an uncomfortable degree. Dr Ayman also

[00:25:27] Talks about disorganization.

[00:25:28] He says that most people with

[00:25:29] Adhd tend to struggle with organization of time

[00:25:32] And space. They tend to be late and have trouble completing tasks on time. Many things get done

[00:25:36] At the last moment or even later. And they also tend to

[00:25:38] Struggle, keeping their spaces tidy, laughing as I look at my desk, especially their rooms, their book bags.

[00:25:44] Boy, that’s true. Filing cabinets, drawers, closets and paperwork. Holy cow.

[00:25:48] Revisiting this, I check, check, check all of those things. But here’s one of those that I find fascinating when they say they tend to be late and have trouble completing tasks on time. Part B of that, absolutely completing tasks on time is a challenge. I wanted

[00:26:01] Nothing more than to be an author and to publish

[00:26:03] A book. And then when I had a book deal and I was had a coauthored with Joshua Shay, who was the one that was late on deadline. Oh, that would be me. And it was just, I want to say, fascinating,

[00:26:15] But that’s overusing that word because it absolutely was frustrating,

[00:26:19] As I knew that a deadline was

[00:26:20] Coming up and I would do everything I could to try to finish the editing or the writing by deadline.

[00:26:25] But then the deadline would pass. And one of the things that’s fascinating, well, I’ll get to that.

[00:26:30] It’s number four is Dr. Ayman talks

[00:26:32] About, but tending to be late. I am absolutely not late. So that is one of those

[00:26:37] Things that I learned to adapt to. And there’s so much more there, I think. And this is where again, I love acceptance and commitment therapy because I am the only version of me with all of my unique experiences. That brings me to this place where for a variety of reasons, I was going to say for whatever reason, but for a variety of reasons. I will

[00:26:54] Not be late and so I will

[00:26:55] Be early.

[00:26:56] My wife’s biggest joke

[00:26:58] Is I used to travel a lot in the computer industry, and if I had to be at the airport, if my flight was going to take off at 6:00 in the morning and it was an international flight, so I needed to be there two hours early at the time, I needed to be there for and we’re 30 minutes away from the airport. Then I would say, OK, I got to leave at three thirty, but then I wanted to make sure that I had plenty of time. I would say three fifteen and if I were to leave at three fifteen, why I just leave it three, and then my wife would joke and say, Or you can just go right now. You could spend the night in the airport and there would always be a part of me that thought, that’s not a bad idea. So that part I have over, I’ve gone overboard and make sure that I will never be late.

[00:27:28] And that is something that then if we’re just checking boxes, then I don’t check out. But I love the

[00:27:33] Fact that the therapist

[00:27:34] Who is giving me my initial aid assessment said, What you’ve learned to adapt that is still something that you would struggle with, but you learned to adapt.

[00:27:41] So number four,

[00:27:43] Well, in real quick, though. Keep it in their spaces. Tidy, especially the rooms. I can think of a couple of

[00:27:49] Clients that I’ve worked with or we’ve worked through their own

[00:27:52] Add diagnosis, and we’ve joked one of the women

[00:27:55] Took a picture of her side of

[00:27:57] The bed and the sinks. And boy, I can

[00:27:59] Identify with that where my wife’s are immaculate in mine. They are very organized piles. Or at least that’s

[00:28:05] What I like to tell myself and my book bag. Holy cow, I didn’t even

[00:28:08] Realize the laptop bag I carry around. It’s a disaster in the back pocket, but of course, I want to say that I know where everything is, but I looked furiously a couple of days ago for some eye drops

[00:28:18] And couldn’t find them.

[00:28:20] Number four, Dr. Ayman says procrastination

[00:28:22] Tasks and duties get put off until the last moment. Things tend not

[00:28:25] To get done until there are deadlines or someone else’s mad at them for not doing it.

[00:28:29] Holy, that is such a true story.

[00:28:32] And I’m even literally thinking of right now a report that I needed to write that I will be writing

[00:28:37] The second that I end this

[00:28:38] Podcast before my first client comes in. But procrastination? There’s some interesting data research that talks about

[00:28:45] The dopamine spike with a deadline. And so I feel like this is one of those

[00:28:48] Situations where you don’t just have to have

[00:28:50] Ad, but AD

[00:28:52] Definitely plays a role in procrastinating. And when you wait until that very last minute,

[00:28:57] You get that dopamine rush, that dopamine spike, which that dopamine

[00:29:01] Is the hyper fixation or focus

[00:29:03] Chemical, the medications, most of the stimulant medications

[00:29:05] That people take for ADHD are increasing your own supply of dopamine in your brain. And and I remember that was where I

[00:29:13] Believe this is the my own anecdotal data. But when one who does not have ADHD takes the ADHD medication a stimulant, then they just feel wired.

[00:29:24] But they may stay up all night or be able to do homework or that sort of thing. I remember taking the medication for the first time

[00:29:29] Myself and feeling, and I will say, I say this all the time and I talked about it. I think quite a bit on the episodes a few years ago, but I feel hope.

[00:29:36] It is very fascinating feeling.

[00:29:38] It just feels like hope. And then I feel like that. Is that a dopamine flowing? And then I can point myself in any direction and then I can do once that that dopamine is flowing.

[00:29:48] And the reason I

[00:29:49] Stayed it that way is that sometimes people think that, OK, if I take medication, then I will be better. But you still have to have an idea of what

[00:29:56] Your values are or what your goals are, what your direction

[00:29:58] Is. Because I often say that I can take my medication, point myself to a Google document and I can write and write and write, or I can take my medication, point myself to YouTube and watch the heck out of YouTube videos, and it will be the most exciting. Exhilarating YouTube viewing session known to man. So it really the medications

[00:30:19] Aren’t a cure all.

[00:30:20] I still feel like you must have take care of that mental health component, too of what are the things that really matter to you and what do you need to take action on? And that makes that combination is just exciting. And I’ve talked about this. I’m going big on anecdotal, but I

[00:30:33] Have a theory that if I had

[00:30:35] A slew of interns

[00:30:36] And minions that worked for me, I would love to do this research. But I really do

[00:30:40] Feel and I’ve tested this anecdotally, but I feel like that procrastination piece is

[00:30:45] So interesting. Here’s where I go with that. Let’s say that I’m working with a college

[00:30:48] Student, and that college student has a

[00:30:50] Deadline to turn in a paper Friday at five

[00:30:52] P.m. And they sit down Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday night,

[00:30:56] Thursday night, and they’re going to get this. They’re going to work on this paper, but they don’t work on the paper because they are easily distracted, not even from an ad standpoint.

[00:31:05] But let’s just

[00:31:06] Say that they’re living in a world of what I call

[00:31:08] Socially compliant goals. Socially compliant goal from acceptance

[00:31:11] And commitment therapy is something that we feel like we have to do, or we will let ourselves down or we’ll let others down or something that’s

[00:31:17] Expected of us. And so if you are living a life full of socially compliant goals, then

[00:31:23] Incomes are friend experiential avoidance,

[00:31:25] Which experiential avoidance is. I’m going to do anything other than that thing that I really don’t want to do. So let’s say you’re taking a class that you

[00:31:31] Absolutely do not care about.

[00:31:33] So that would be a socially compliant goal. And then you now sit down to study. I’m doing air quotes now, but you sit down to study and you

[00:31:42] Really don’t care about the material in front of

[00:31:44] You. Income experiential avoidance by way of

[00:31:48] Streaming videos on Netflix or videos on YouTube or TikTok or FaceTiming friends or Snapchat or texting. There are so many

[00:31:56] Distractions that then you will then at this point will say that you don’t get anything done Monday night. And what do you tell yourself? Ok, tomorrow

[00:32:04] I’m going to do it

[00:32:05] Tomorrow. And you also

[00:32:06] Probably beat yourself up a little bit about I just wasted three or four hours on Monday night.

[00:32:10] I didn’t study. So then that I

[00:32:11] Believe that pattern can be. It will be often repeated

[00:32:14] Tuesday night, Wednesday night, Thursday night and then if the papers

[00:32:17] Do Friday at 5:00, sometime around two o’clock

[00:32:20] In the afternoon, you finally panic your dopamine spikes

[00:32:23] And you get the paper done. So I have a theory, a working theory, that I have a few people testing right now

[00:32:29] That if you accept the fact that you are not going to do anything Monday night, Tuesday night,

[00:32:33] Wednesday night, even Thursday night, then do things that are of value to you, raise your emotional baseline. And then I’m pretty confident that then when you are sitting down to do the work on Friday that you may start it an hour or two earlier,

[00:32:48] You know, that probably didn’t have the payoff that maybe you thought I was going for. But it’s almost that acceptance that I’m not going to study does a couple of things. It avoids the beating myself up, what’s wrong with me, the guilt and shame. And then it raises my emotional baseline so that then when I do sit down to do the paper

[00:33:05] That I’m in a much better place, I’m going to be much more effective with that time and I’m likely to start earlier. And I really do believe

[00:33:11] That even with that concept, then

[00:33:12] If there was ever going to be a time that someone was going to get engaged more on a Thursday night

[00:33:17] Or even a Wednesday night, it would come from a place of acceptance that knowing that Monday and Tuesday, I’m not going to do these things and I’m going to own that, but then I’m going to do something with that time. I’m going to do something that raises my emotional baseline. So again,

[00:33:29] Just the pure anecdotal theory, but I feel pretty

[00:33:32] Confident about that, and I have some initial

[00:33:33] Results that look pretty good.

[00:33:35] So that’s so procrastination. Again, tasks and duties get put off until the last moment, and it needs to be

[00:33:41] Deadline driven or somebody mad in order for you to do it. And number five, Dr. Ayman talks about poor internal supervision, and this is again one of those where I want this

[00:33:49] To be viewed with acceptance or curiosity and not a. What’s wrong with me? But he says many people with AD have issues with judgment and impulse control, and they struggle not

[00:33:58] To say or do things without fully thinking them through. They also have a harder time learning from their mistakes. What I appreciate about this is if I go into my four pillars of a connected conversation, the first pillar is to assume

[00:34:09] Good intentions that nobody just wakes up and says, I’m going to not do something to tick

[00:34:13] Off my spouse, or that there’s a reason that’s my Part B of pillar one. There’s a reason why

[00:34:18] People do the things that they do because

[00:34:20] It could come from them never having the tools. They weren’t modeled a way to effectively communicate or get things done in their in their own home. But that pillar

[00:34:27] One is that so many people with ad myself included.

[00:34:32] I don’t plan on forgetting

[00:34:34] Things, and it’s not that

[00:34:35] I want to forget things or I’m trying to forget things. And it’s not that if I write things

[00:34:39] Down that I just, you know, dismiss my to do list. As matter of fact, I’ve had so many to do lists, whether

[00:34:46] They’re electronic or day timers or sticky

[00:34:47] Notes, then I know what to do with. So I know

[00:34:51] That’s not a strength of mine, and I already beat myself up about it so that poor internal supervision needs to be looked at with more of this curiosity or fascination. And my second pillar and my four pillars of a connected conversation

[00:35:01] Is after you accept that that no one is trying to intentionally

[00:35:04] Harm someone. And I’m going to say in a healthier and emotionally mature relationship

[00:35:08] That then you can’t pillar two.

[00:35:10] You can’t tell the person they’re wrong or I don’t believe you.

[00:35:13] And if you do feel like you

[00:35:14] Don’t, you have a hard time believing

[00:35:16] Them. And this is where people will say, Hey, why didn’t you call? I don’t know. I’m going to say call the plumber.

[00:35:21] And if the person with AD says, Oh man, I forgot that’s where that pillar two becomes so important, because I know that for somebody that doesn’t forget things that writes everything down, that is very task oriented. Like my own wife who her to do list

[00:35:33] Is just it’s so

[00:35:35] Much a part of her that then it would be hard for her to understand, Well, why did you forget? Why didn’t you just write it down?

[00:35:40] And it’s not like, I haven’t

[00:35:41] Thought of that or that I want. Not that I don’t want to remember, but that’s where just trying to learn to understand or look at this poor internal supervision with more curiosity is the way to start to overcome it.

[00:35:52] So Daniel Lippman says once you know, if you are a loved one has added, then it’s critical, he says, to know which type you have. And he says the ad is not one thing. And he says in this book, he presents seven distinct types of ad, and one treatment doesn’t fit everybody. And he said it’s also possible

[00:36:09] To have more than one

[00:36:10] Type. And so he does. If you go to Amman Clinics Amin Clinic, he has an ad test online, which

[00:36:18] I think is pretty interesting to take or healing

[00:36:20] Ad type test and find out which ones you have. So I’m just going to go over these really quickly. And actually, this one’s gone a little bit longer than I planned. So I think this is why I

[00:36:29] Did a two parter back in the day. So we’re going to we’ll wrap up part one today and then part two

[00:36:34] Next week we’ll get to the ADHD in adults

[00:36:37] And talk about more of the symptoms and the treatments, that sort

[00:36:40] Of thing. So the seven types, he says classic ADHD and

[00:36:43] He puts in parentheses here, ADHD. So you’ve heard me use these terms almost interchangeably.

[00:36:48] And if you’re not familiar with

[00:36:50] The world of add or ADHD, I know that can be frustrating.

[00:36:53] But he says classic

[00:36:54] Adhd or ADHD,

[00:36:55] He said, is inattentive,

[00:36:57] Distractible, disorganized, hyperactive,

[00:36:59] Restless and impulsive. And the

[00:37:02] Reason why everything used to be under there

[00:37:04] Used to be ADHD and add.

[00:37:07] And now everything

[00:37:08] In the

[00:37:08] Diagnostic criteria or manual is under ADHD.

[00:37:12] And then the ad is inattentive type. So that gets on to number two, he says. Inattentive and inattentive,

[00:37:19] Easily distracted, disorganized and often described as space cadets de dreamer’s couch

[00:37:24] Potatoes. And, he

[00:37:26] Says, not hyperactive. And that’s the part where I have

[00:37:28] Often talked about my

[00:37:30] Adhd or ADHD

[00:37:32] Inattentive type, and because I have

[00:37:34] Assumed or

[00:37:36] Yeah, I’ve assumed that I

[00:37:37] Don’t have the hyperactivity yet. There are times where I absolutely feel like I do have that hyperactivity.

[00:37:42] And so he talks about this here in a minute. So Overfocus added type three inattentive, trouble shifting attention frequently get stuck in loops of negative thoughts or behaviors obsessive,

[00:37:53] Excessive worrying and flexible, frequent, frequently oppositional and argumentative behavior, and may or may not be hyperactive. So that is overfocus.

[00:38:01] Add Type four he calls temporal lobe ADHD

[00:38:04] Inattentive, easily distracted, disorganized, irritable, short Fuze dark thoughts, mood instability and may struggle with learning disabilities and may or may not be hyperactive.

[00:38:14] Type five is limbic and inattentive, easily

[00:38:18] Distracted, disorganized, chronic, low grade sadness or

[00:38:21] Negativity. He calls it the glass

[00:38:23] Half empty syndrome. Low energy tends

[00:38:25] To be more isolated socially and frequently, has feelings of

[00:38:29] Hopelessness and worthlessness, and may or may not be hyperactive. Type six Ring of Fire added inattentive, easily distracted, irritable,

[00:38:37] Overly sensitive cyclical moodiness and oppositional and may or may

[00:38:40] Not be a hyperactive

[00:38:42] Then type. Seven Anxious and inattentive,

[00:38:44] Easily distracted, disorganized, anxious, tense, nervous predicts the worst.

[00:38:49] Gets anxious with time tests as social anxiety and often as physical stress symptoms such as headaches or gastrointestinal symptoms, and

[00:38:56] May or may not

[00:38:57] Be hyperactive. And so it’s interesting because I have noticed a lot of people that have AD that do have the GI symptoms

[00:39:05] That often are diagnosed with things like irritable bowel syndrome predicts the worst, gets anxious

[00:39:09] With time tests. And so, he says, knowing your type is essential to getting the right help for you, and what I find that is so just

[00:39:16] Interesting it really is, is. You may find yourself with various types or forms within

[00:39:22] Multiple types of

[00:39:24] These different versions of add or ADHD.

[00:39:27] And that is because truly that

[00:39:29] You are the only version of you.

[00:39:31] And so you can absolutely have different, different symptoms show up that

[00:39:37] May be across those add or ADHD spectrums. So I

[00:39:41] Think that the goal hopefully today is just to bring the concept of ADHD back into into the

[00:39:48] Into your lexicon or starting to think if this is something that you are starting to feel. If you feel pretty depressed, if you feel anxious or if you feel easily distracted or irritable,

[00:39:56] That it might be something

[00:39:57] To just start to poke around it.

[00:39:59] And what I love about this is this doesn’t mean that you must go and get medication today. But just like

[00:40:03] Anything in the world of mental health as you start to to bring more awareness to a subject

[00:40:08] Or a situation

[00:40:10] That is from that awareness that you can start to explore more. And this is where I love to say that your journey is not just from A to Z.

[00:40:17] It’s not. I am distracted at point A so z I must have add or ADHD get to get to point B,

[00:40:23] Start to read more, start to learn more. And from there you might go

[00:40:26] To Point C and find out that it might

[00:40:27] Be something more akin

[00:40:28] To anxiety.

[00:40:29] Or it might be something that’s more that is depression.

[00:40:32] But just start

[00:40:33] Down that journey. And I know

[00:40:35] That people will give Dr. Google a pretty bad rap that we can google anything and then

[00:40:39] Become hypercritical or overanalyze or over diagnose. But from my chair, I would rather have somebody start to Google

[00:40:47] Things and start to look at things

[00:40:48] Than to bury the idea that there might be a challenge or there might.

[00:40:53] I would say there’s something wrong with it, but there might be something that needs to be looked into.

[00:40:56] So if you start with Dr. Google, start with Dr. Google. But then I would highly encourage you to start to work your way towards some professional help, whether it’s starting with a therapist or working up to your general practitioner or family physician, or then all the way

[00:41:09] Up to a psychiatrist to even look at a medication.

[00:41:11] Hey, I appreciate you being here

[00:41:13] Today, and I hope you have an amazing week taking you out as per usual as the wonderful the talented

[00:41:19] Aurora Florence with her song It’s wonderful. Ok, thanks everybody.

[00:41:23] And I hope you have an amazing week. We’ll see you next

[00:41:24] Time on the virtual couch.

[00:41:34] Compressed emotions flying past our heads and out the other end, the pressures of the daily grind, it’s wonderful. And plastic waste and rubber ghost are floating past the midnight hour. They push aside the things that matter most wonderful. To. 12. Citing news of discount price, a million opportunities, but.

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