The Elephant and the Rider, the Key to Managing Behavior, and Emotions

Do you ever feel like you’re simply not in control of your emotions? You’re not alone. At times we may feel like our emotions are charging forward like a 6-ton elephant! And we’re simply the rider, trying out best to guide or control the elephant but without much success. But there is hope! Today Tony discusses the popular analogy The Elephant and the Rider, where our emotional part of the brain is represented by the elephant, and the logical, or rational part of our brain is played by the rider. Understanding this analogy can often lead to a little more understanding of how to quickly take control of our emotional response, and guide new behaviors.

Tony references the article The Elephant and the Rider as well as Itamar Goldminz’s article Advise the Rider, Steer the Elephant and Shape the Path (Heath) and he reads Marianne Williamson’s poem “Our Deepest Fear,” and Tony reads from The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

Nate Bagley is a relationship researcher, and his goal is to rid the world of mediocre love.  Nate’s work has been published by ABC, the Gottman Institute, The Good Men Project, Good Morning America, NBC, and more and with his latest project, The Epic Wives Experiment, he wants to help your marriage, and help it NOW! In The Epic Wives Experiment, he promises, nay, guarantees that in 4 weeks you’ll have more support, connection, and love in your marriage. In today’s mini-episode Tony interviews Nate to find out a little bit more about Nate’s background, and what led him to create The Epic Wives Experiment. For more information visit registration for the Epic Wives Experiment ends at midnight on May 17th.

Tony’s FREE parenting course, “Tips For Parenting Positively Even In the Not So Positive Times” is available NOW. Just go to and sign up today. This course will help you understand why it can be so difficult to communicate with and understand your children. You’ll learn how to keep your buttons hidden, how to genuinely give praise that will truly build inner wealth in your child, teen, or even in your adult children, and you’ll learn how to move from being “the punisher” to being someone your children will want to go to when they need help. And Tony is so confident that this program will work, that he’s offering a money-back guarantee!

This episode of The Virtual Couch is sponsored by With the continuing “sheltering” rules that are spreading across the country PLEASE do not think that you can’t continue or begin therapy now. can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference often as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your own mental health a priority, offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight.

Tony’s new best selling book “He’s a Porn Addict…Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions” is now available on Kindle.

Tony Overbay, is the co-author of “He’s a Porn Addict…Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions” now available on Amazon The book debuted in the number 1 spot in the Sexual Health Recovery category and remains there as the time of this record. The book has received numerous positive reviews from professionals in the mental health and recovery fields.

You can learn more about Tony’s pornography recovery program The Path Back by visiting And visit and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs, and podcasts.

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